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What’s Bugging You -She Said Edition-
Here on The Sisterwives we cover some pretty heavy stuff. We appreciate all of our readers and are so very grateful to the brave and beautiful writers that submit pieces that they pull from the deepest, and sometimes darkest, parts of their souls. We thought that maybe today we would lighten things up a bit with a little help from some friends.
Don’t we all have something that drives us crazy, people who get under our skin, noises that make our skin crawl, and situations that just make you shake your head and wonder ‘What the fuck?’
Today some very funny people are stepping up and telling us what bugs them.
I should say some very funny women. The fellas are on deck for Thursday! So sit back and have a laugh today. You’ve earned it!
It bothers me that we never have enough money. We live on a shoestring budget without the shoes. We don’t even have enough money for a decent six pack of beer. Our cheap suds come from my cousin’s uncle, who brews it in a basement somewhere in Cleveland.
I’m also annoyed that there’s not enough money in our budget for a family vacation to Disney World. We’ve had to substitute a trip with an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet at the bowling alley. Hopefully this year we’ll win the lottery and be able to take a trip to the Pork Hall of Fame in Baconville, Tennessee.
Marcia, Menopausal Mother
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I have a term for people who bug me. I refer to them as “jackholes,” and beware…there are jackholes everywhere. EVERYWHERE! At the grocery store, they are the ones who don’t put their carts in the cart return, so their laziness results in dents to other people’s (aka my) automobiles. They drive cars and signal that they want in your lane. When you kindly let them in, they don’t offer a courtesy wave. They think their jackhole children are the most beautiful, intelligent, and talented kids and blare you with their pride on social media, in person, at any public place, and I stand there nodding my head, feigning interest while I watch the offspring eat a booger. That’s right, they are copulating and procreating and bringing a whole new generation of jackholes into our world. The generation who won’t say “thank you” ever. They can’t be bothered to look up from their brand new iPhone 6 that already has a cracked cover because they care too little to care for anything to even answer questions, and people are giving them jobs, so I have to communicate with these little jackholitas everywhere I go.
In other irritations, I have the libido of a teenage boy and get laid about as often as a mathlete, so maybe I’m just a wee bit…frustrated. Don’t be a jackhole.
Mandi, The Sisterwives and Cellulite Looks Better Tan
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I’m trying to develop a Judgement Vaccine, to inoculate myself against other’s opinions of how I should feel, what I should do, say, watch, read, eat and how I should raise my kids. I’m a recovering Catholic so I’m no stranger to being told I’m a sinner for my semi-normal human behavior. I smile and nod and spell swear words with my tongue on the roof of my mouth like any other miscreant whore, but once in awhile I have just had enough.
Enough of being told my favorite books too violent, or I’m a sinner, or a murderer for eating meat, or that the shows I watch are dumbing down America, like whatevs h8rs. I wish I could tattoo my soul with a message like:
If you’re really worried about my mortal soul, can’t you just be happy with the fact that I will one day burn in your Hell for not being like you? Can’t you just focus on that. Look at the bright side!
Joy, Comfytown Chronicles
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Beth has a few things on her mind:
Dear checkers (especially Target), please don’t comment on my purchases. It slows the process down, and sometimes it’s embarrassing. Talk to me about the weather of something. Otherwise, leave me the fuck alone.
I’m probably going to get backlash about this, but I’m OVER door-to-door mini-salesman (i.e. children), who’ve been forced to sell popcorn, or wreaths, or candles, or whatever. I love to support my children, nieces, and nephews. But I’m tired of paying $40 for a wreath I don’t want for a child and/or organization I don’t know. Who can tell a little kid no?? I can’t. Bless their hearts. I don’t think door-to-door fundraising for schools, or cub scouts, or ANYthing should be put upon kids anymore. Screw that. It’s not safe, it’s archaic, and it’s obnoxious.
YES, I KNOW ADAM LEVINE GOT MARRIED. YES, I KNOW HE MARRIED A VICTORIA SECRET MODEL. THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME. #MightBeBitter
Is there law I’m not aware of that states: throwing a juice straw wrapper in the trash is punishable by death? IS THERE?
The fact that iPads are the new toilet reader. EW. Gross. Stop it.
Beth, The Sisterwives and Writer B Is Me
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We should stop ‘falling back’. Daylight savings is a dick. It’s already bad enough that it happens just at the beginning of the cold and flu season. We know that ice and snow and that creepy elf on a shelf is looming, is it too much to ask to keep it light outside an hour longer?
I think it’s a plot to keep us wage slaves. We’re coming off Summer and vacations and the smell of suntan lotion and barbeques. We’ve enjoyed the beauty of Autumn and getting reacquainted with our favorite boots and sweaters. We are in just way too good of a mood. What would happen if cubicle dwellers stayed in a good mood ALL the time? Sooner or later, we would look around and say “What the FUCK are we doing in these cubicles”? And we would go out and find more fulfilling ways to live our lives. How do ‘they’ stop that from happening? They turn out the lights. No way you can stay in a good mood if you leave for work in the morning in the dark and then you don’t get to come home until it’s dark again. If we had that one last hour of light, then maybe the Winter months wouldn’t sap all the good feelings created when it’s not cold as fuck outside.
On the other hand, it’s likely that extra hour would likely be used up in traffic jams on the way home.
Michelle, Rubber Shoes In Hell
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And she’s not finished yet!
We, as humans, have made some incredible advances. We have walked on the moon. We carry a world information in our pockets. We thought of putting batter on candy bars and deep frying them. It’s a good time to be alive.
Since we have all these things, would it be too much to ask for underwear manufacturers to find a way to engineer their panties without forcing us to endure the ‘taint seam’? You know what the taint seam is, it’s that little horizontal seam on the back of our panties that show anytime we wear anything in the least bit clingy. It’s like a little outline that says, Hey! this is the spot where my maxi pads end! Just below this line is my asshole!
I know this doesn’t affect women who wear thongs, but not all of us are fans of butt floss. I find it a travesty that time and effort have been put into developing something as ugly as Crocs and we still don’t have panties sans taint seams. I think we should start an anti-taint seam movement. We can appropriate this song by Blowfly as our anthem.
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My mother is a food pusher – if you are around her for more than five minutes, food will somehow end up in your mouth. I’m not sure how it happens – I go in with a strong resolve, determined to politely decline any offers – but before I know it, I’m chowing down on my fifth stuffed crepe, a gigantic slice of creamy cheesecake, or crispy ebelskivers. And she starts young – just today I saw her spraying whipped cream from the can straight into my granddaughter’s mouth…over and over and over. She’s got some sort of evil secret power – a way to make rational, perfectly content, non-hungry people turn into ravenous gluttons. I’m not sure how she does it – but she is damn good at it. Just ask my waist, hips, and ass – they’ll back me up!
Jana, Stop Me If I Told You This…
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This sounds so silly in the scheme of things, but seriously this shit sets.me.free. and it happens almost every fucking day I leave my house. I am talking about traffic douchebags.
I am a Jersey girl living in the Midwest where people abide by the speed limit, and think nothing of driving for miles with a turn signal clicking away like a god damn beacon from hell. Where I grew up that move would get you cursed out at the next light, and for good reason. However, the Midwest is the land of love affairs at four way stops, every car waves on the other fucking cars; no you go…no you go…no YOU go! Are you kidding me? Just FUCKING GO! If it’s your turn then you GO!
But my BIGGEST driving pet peeve, the absolute fucking worst dickhead move, is when the car in front of you at a stop light is going straight but is in the right hand lane. This move single handedly screws the person behind them that was going to make a right hand turn, but now cannot because of the asshat driver in front of them. Where’s the love now people? Where’s the consideration of others? Yeah…that’s what I thought. Looks like the nice Midwestern drivers really are like Jersey drivers, just trying to shaft you one stop light at a time. Well played Midwest, well played.
Alyson, The Shitastrophy
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I had a veritable cornucopia of things to choose from. I just couldn’t decide…
NOISY DISGUSTING EATERS
I can’t be around this. EVER.
What are you chewing, gravel? Even crunchy food should not sound like you’re eating your own teeth, Pigdog! How do you make audible tooth connections while eating a banana, something toothless infants eat? That is not chewing, it’s a cretinous mouth mangling of semisolid pulp.
And when you drink, you do NOT need to make glugging noises like you’re fisting a 2 gallon jar of mayonnaise from Costco.
Sounds are being emitted from your cake hole, heinous sounds so disturbing that everyone in a mile radius can hear them. And you’re so engrossed in your food that you’re not even aware of them? That needs to change before I accidentally stick my fork in your head.
GETTING CREEPED ON IN MESSAGES BY PEOPLE I’VE NEVER MET
First of all, I don’t speak “Kanye.”
And can we discuss the measurements? This literary Troglodyte is so irresistible how can I not go all Slutty Ketchup on his Big Mac?
I’m a card carrying MSQ (militant size queen), but 14 inches? Even if you don’t pass out from loss of blood to your brain while having an erection, are you gonna cover my ER copay afterwards? There’s “medical curiosity” length, and there’s “horrific Japanese tentacle porn.”
And regarding the message that was just a little too nasty to post, phrases like:
“Ima push yo face in da pillow wit my dick up yo ass” should be reserved for those you have a consensual relationship with. Just a suggestion.
What about this persistent Romeo who messages me, day after day? He really knows how to sweep a girl off her feet:
Ooh, baby, there’s nothing as sexy as a life-threatening scourge to have me fulfill all your sexual desires like a pornography vending machine! How does this inferno of irresistible romance ever fail?!
Are you working towards your high concept masterpiece by compiling all of your ridiculous and pathetic messages?
“How to Have 100% Failure Rate in Online Dating: The Rock Opera.”
Simple anti-creeping Rule Of Thumb: If you’ve sent 3 messages and received no response, STOP. IT. Before you get stabbed in the taint.
And let’s not leave out:
HONORABLE MENTION: Bacon Mania. Bacon is tasty. But it is not Jesus Christ reincarnated. Stop worshiping upon the Altar of the Holy Salted Porcine Slab-Meat.
2nd HONORABLE MENTION: People who clap in a movie theatre when the film is over. The actors cannot hear you! Who are you clapping for? The film projectionist?
Samara, The Sisterwives and A Buick in the Land of Lexus
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Any of these things sound familiar to you?
These are some of the most fabulous women on the web and if you don’t know them, you certainly should. Click on their blogs linked above and just for shits and giggles here’s another way you can keep up with their shiz:
Here are the links to all the Facebook gold for Marcia, Mandi, Beth, Michelle, Jana, Alyson, and Samara.
While you’re at it go get comfy with Joy on Twitter.
Don’t forget to come back on Thursday and hear what has the boys all twisted up.
Until then why don’t you let off a little steam. What’s buggin’ you? Tell us about it!
Pingback: What’s Bugging You?? « A Buick in the Land of Lexus
Oh, how I wish I were a Sisterwife at times like these.
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There’s all this room in the comment section. I say let ‘er rip!
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I’m sick of my boss, for one. (and I, too have a word for people who annoy me. Penny coined it — credit where credit is due, of course — Couche-tard.) My boss is a couche-tard. He constantly complains that he’s so busy and can’t get his work done, and wants to delegate some of it to me, but every time I pass his door, he’s on the phone dealing with personal shit, feet up on his desk, doing fuck all.
It bugs me when Penny leaves the television on, but is clearly playing a video game elsewhere, or doing something completely unrelated, but then when I turn it off, she immediately comes back into the room and says “Hey, I was watching that!”
It bugs me that I still haven’t received that knock on the door from a rich, generous publisher, who tells me he hears that I write and would I like a multi-million dollar publishing deal. When’s that happening, am I right?
LOL cats. Illiteracy as something to be proud of, or else, shrugged off as “whatevs”.
Pumpkin spice. Yeah, I’m sick of it, too, Samara. It was yummy the first 3000 times, now I’m just done.
Thanksgiving, Halloween and Christmas decor all at the same time…. everywhere.
Political correctness, especially around the holidays — let’s face it, even the religious ones have been so secularized that the majority of people don’t really know what they’re celebrating, outside of Christmas because Linus from the Peanuts gang explains that succinctly. Does anyone know what Kwaanza really is, or when it began, or who started it? I do. You don’t want to know, trust me. It will make you really really angry. It’s basically the African American equivalent of if the KKK invented a holiday. But YAAAAAY! Happy K\waanza, white devil motherfuckers!
Violence — especially gun violence — in American schools. Seriously, America. When is it going to stop? I’m frightened for you and your children.
Sigh. Don’t get me ranting. It just makes me want to cry. I don’t belong in this world. To quote e.e. cummings “listen: there’s a hell of a good universe next door; let’s go.”
Here, have another Ani Difranco song about guns. I love the line: “If I hear one more time about a fool’s right to his tools of rage, I’m going to take all my friends and move to Canada and die of old age.”
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As far as we’re concerned, you have Honorary Sisterwife Status. Our casa is su casa.
Anytime you want to post, just let us know.
And enough with the pumpkin already. Blerg.
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Helena, let’s have coffee and rant. Or make that a greyhound. Mandi-style
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HHAHAHHAHAH! Damn…we’re funny. And annoyed, apparently.
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Right??!?! Annoyed…but beautiful and funny so it all balances out!
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Michelle, you are so right on about Crocs. It’s like some ass backwards plastic factory had a meeting and said, “Let’s make a freakish plastic shoe so ugly, no one wearing it EVER GETS LAID AGAIN.”
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Samara, did you see Dave’s Crocs letter? If not, you have to read this. You too, Michelle! He hates crocs more than anyone I know.
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I want to see Dave’s Crocs letter! Link me, please!
WHY would anyone wear ugly plastic? What, are you KAYAKING, dude? Stop embarrassing yourself and put on normal shoes!
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I just tagged you.
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Straight up! FUK crocs……Oh they are comfortable? Ya, so are shoes. Dont be lazy people.
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Michelle, if you were next to me, I’d totally hump your leg (see one of my irritations). I love your bugs.
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It’s been a while since my leg has had a good humpin…my sister in law usually takes care of that for me, but it’s been a while since I’ve seen her.
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*dissolves into giggles* I love how utterly fed up we are. hahahahaha This was so much fun!
(Thank you, Sandy! You’re amazing!)
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Beth, at least those little blood suckers are legit. I’ve had kids come around selling $5.00 candy bars for the “I Need a Nintendo 3DS and I’m Depraved Enough at 11 To Steal For It” fund.
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that would send me OVER THE EDGE, Samara!!!! OY.
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No…YOU are!
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True story – My MIL made my husband go door to door as a kid and sell anything. He told me that if they got some sort of catalog in the mail that offered the opportunity for door to door sells, she sent him. But I can’t complain, that’s what he does to keep the lights on these days.
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Samara kills me, every time. Comfy Joy and I are Recovering Catholics together. I love all the Sister Wives. Today is a great comic relief.
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Kills you? But in a good way, right? hahahaha
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This was pure gold! I can relate to every single rant, all those things bug me deeply…all things about society in general bug me, lol. Can’t wait to see what the guys are whining about! Thanks for the laughs this morning!!!
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Stay tuned for Thursday, when the guys have their say!
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Ladies, this was absolutely hilarious, insightful and, in Samara’s case, descriptive in a way that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to eat mayonnaise again on my BLT. By the way, I got the hint; I’ll stop texting you…
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YOUR texts I like. All those unicorn emojis really get me going!
(sorry about the mayonnaise but it’s rather a disgusting condiment, don’t you think?)
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That’s good to know. I thought maybe the reverse centaur emoji might’ve been over the top. (And I actually like mayonnaise so much that I make my own. That’s not innuendo, by the way…)
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You make your own mayonnaise? As in, mix egg yolks and oil?
I’m feeling queasy. Please text healing emojis, stat!
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How does roasted garlic mayonnaise sound? Or Rosemary (as a mayonnaise)?
Oh, did you get the “unicorn with a stethoscope” emoji yet? At least I’m pretty sure it was a stethoscope. Either way, I hope it makes you feel better.
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Ha ha ha ha, I thought my stalkers were bad, but Samara’s are a pure delight! Thanks for the laugh all.
Now I’ll get back to being annoyed about people clogging up the supermarket aisles with their trolleys while they have a conversation and what is it with people on public transport who have to be asked to stand up? Pregnant women, people with broken limbs or the elderly and infirm quite obviously need a seat and you shouldn’t have to be asked.
Oh and Christmas stuff before December, don’t get me started on that one 🙂 Can we at least get Halloween, Bonfire night (UK) and Thanksgiving (USA) out of the way first please before we’re bombarded with Christmas songs and tinsel all over everything? Santa’s Grotto does not need to appear before December!!
My final note of pure annoyance is the impending joy of Halloween. It’s my favourite of all, horror dress up for adults, which is just my kind of thing when I get the opportunity. However, the Trick or Treat aspect I have an issue with. One year I opened the door to find an unaccompanied 2 year old on my doorstep who could barely say ‘Tick or teet’ and there was not another soul on the street with her. Apparently her 6 year old sister had left her to work that street alone while she did the next one!!!
Since then and for many other reasons I do feel that children going out Trick or Treating ought to be done as a community thing, so that children are not knocking on strangers’ doors unsupervised. It’s potentially dangerous for them and it also causes a lot of distress to the elderly and sick living alone.
Just call me the Grinch 🙂
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Amazing..Two??? what the hell.
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BTW, Amen, Joy! I so get you. People pushing their opinions/beliefs on me is a life-long pet peeve of mine as well.
Also? Mandi….mathlete…..hahahahah
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Ditto, to the beliefs thing! And yeah…mathlete. It is NO fun.
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Look for the silver linings – perhaps your virginity will grow back and you can lose it again…
(Talking from experience? moi? Pffft!)
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It’s probably grown back at this point.
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We should go to a bar and get drunk and find some cheap one-nighters for ourselves!
(Not that I ever would, but sometimes the temptation is strong…)
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I kinda wanna message Samara now to see what kinda fun I can have.
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And risk her wrath? How dangerously do you like to live?
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Pfft. She’s all bark.
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Scott hugely underestimates me.
Cause when I’m angry, baby, I TYPE IN ALL CAPITALS AND IT AIN’T PRETTY!
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Beware the ALL CAPS! Beware, beware!
I highly doubt she is all bark… I have only inappropriate things to say about the quality, placement, and desirableness of her bite…
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Did it just get hot in here? *fans self*
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Go for it! Just make sure you sound as ignorant as possible, otherwise I’ll think it’s a normal human being! (and please don’t ask me if I’ve “got Ebola yet.” That’s just nasty!)
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You know, if I DID have a repertoire of pick-up lines, that would not be one of them. I can’t even imagine what moron thought that was a good idea.
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If I wanted to totally monopolize the post (more than I did) I would have posted a whole series of his. He’s non-stop creepy!
Maybe not after this. And believe me, I thought about NOT blacking out his name. I was worried that the attention would just make him feel like more of a stud muffin.
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Maybe you should. Perhaps the flood of comments in response to your post criticizing his idiocy might make him rethink his approach.
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Oh, goody!
Cause I really want to be responsible for helping this dog wanker clean up his online presence.
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The word “wanker” always makes me laugh.
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And by the way,
WOOF!!!!!
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See? All bark…
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Yuck. These comments are NOT coming out the way I wanted.
The “WOOF” was supposed to be in response to you saying I’m all bark, not to me calling this creep a “dog wanker.”
Now it sounds like I want him to…oh, never mind.
*punches herself in the face*
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Hahaha. I got it.
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I really only have a few:
Being ignored.
Being talked down too.
Rudeness.
And people who hurt others.
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I wish those were my only ones! Ouf! You have a lovely short list to keep track of.
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Shenanigans!
Samara, dear friend, the clapping in the theatre is show of respect and admiration. It doesn’t matter if the actors can you hear you! You say “thank you” regardless if your message is going to be acknowledged, right? Same concept.
That being said. I have never clapped after a movie. I thought about it after The Return of the King… but, that thought died as we entered the 30th minute of the final scenes when the movie should have been done 25 minutes before.
And Beth, you forgot to tell the checkers that a little bit of common sense in the bagging department can go a long way. Bread and bananas and eggs probably shouldn’t go in the bottom… In fact, they should probably go in a completely separate bag from the watermelon… But, I do completely agree about the little kids going door to door. I say no to them all the time. But, I hate having to get off my couch on the rare occasion someone rings the doorbell just to be forced to dig deep and tell some bright eyed hopeful kid that I’m not going to fund his college education, or his parent’s life saving surgery, or whatever it is his raising money for… I got up for that? Ugh. So annoying.
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Clapping as a show of respect and admiration? Okay. I’m going to see my gyno today. I’ll give him a big round of applause when he tells me my hoo ha is in fine working condition.
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I think you should. It’s the right thing to do. Though, he should also give you a round of applause for keeping your hoo ha in fine working condition. See, the respect goes both ways.
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We’re just a mutual admiration society for my hoo ha.
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I now expect an applause every time I enter a room.
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Let’s hear it for working hoo has!
*gives Mandi a standing ovation*
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*bows and shows some cleavage* thank you.
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This was such a breath of fresh air for me. I’m up to my neck in “deep” shit and really needed this laugh. I so appreciate the snarkiness and wtf-ev attitude here. I’ve been quite full of it myself lately, wanting to flip ignorant people of all over the place. I have such a love/hate relationship with people. Ya know what really irritates the shit out of me lately though, people that ask if I “love” being home with my children, and then when I give them an honest answer, they say, “well this time is precious, you should be grateful to be home with them.” No fucking shit. WHY else would ANY sane person choose to be around defiant little tyrannts all-damn-day??? Huh? Why? I adore my little fuckers but saying I “love” being home with them doesn’t cover the moments when “accidentally” falling down the stairs sounds like a fantastic idea, just to get a break from being full time mom, wife, referee, secretary, head cook and decision maker of all! ugh…that felt good. 😉
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Dawn, anyone who tells you how much you should “love” being home with kids has blocked out the horror show of never going to the bathroom alone, eating whatever falls into the highchair for lunch, and never, ever being able to talk on the phone.
I know women who work, and just to break even – not to add to the family’s income. They just can’t be stay at home moms. It’s the hardest, most thankless, lowest paid job on the planet. I did it for 6 years, until my son went to kindergarten. I’m just recovering from that experience now.
He’s 11.
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Yessss Dawn. Yes. I hear you and am nodding vigorously.
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So many good ones here! I kept reading and saying, “Yeah
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OK — I’ve just discovered another pet peeve! When the fingers get a mind of their own and submit comments before I’m done! It’s like being rudely interrupted — but by asshole phalanges!
To continue…I kept saying, “Yeah — that bugs the shit out of me, too!” or “Damn — why didn’t I write about THAT one!”
Loved them all!
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Love you, Jana!! Yours is funny, but I kind of want to visit your mama right now cuz I’m starving right now.
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I just got back from a trip to see her, Mandi. It went like this: Day 1) Olive Garden for lunch and sushi restaurant for dinner about four hours later. Day 2) Crepes and other assorted goodies for brunch, full holiday type family meal with two types of cake for dessert (again, just about hours later). Day 3) Ebelskivers and ham for breakfast, all you can eat soup/sandwich/salad place for lunch (her nod at eating healthy)I’m kind of terrified to get on the scale.
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I’m just glad that nobody mentioned me by name here… so… uh… yeah… Now how do I get in on the ‘what bugs us guys thing’???
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Art, I’ll mention it to Sandy. She coordinated this week’s posts.
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Thank you… this is why I hate being a computer moron.
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Hey Art, Sandy was thrilled you’d want to contribute, but the post is already crazy-full as it is. We’ll catch you on the next one….
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story of my life… always a sister-bridesmaid, never a sister bride… or something…
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Art, there’s always the comment section. I want to hear your rants. Bring it!
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I will do my best
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This was freaking hilarious! Poor Samara needs a bodyguard!
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I SO do, Rena!
I personally vote for The Rock. I have a great meme to post here, but I CAN’T figure out how to do it!!
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Haha, great collection! I totally agree about when the checkout staff in stores comment on your purchases, it kind of steps over the line I feel. My friend was shopping once and was buying some panty-liners and the checkout clerk picked them up and said “Oh are these those new deodorised ones? Are they good?” and then held them up and called out to a colleague “Look these are those new deodorised ones you were saying about!”. Also aligned to that, it annoys me when they are chatting to each other and not giving me their full attention!
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Yes, Vanessa-Jane, exactly!!! And even if it’s a non-embarrassing item, the fact that I’m now discussing my bread/ice-cream/shoes/whatever in front of a line of people makes me feel very self-conscious, you know? I prefer the niceties, you know, how’s your day going? Are you enjoying this weather? But puleeze don’t ask me if I’m a big wine drinker, or who my birthday card is for. Seriously. Back off.
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Sandy, this was BRILLIANTLY put together 🙂 I thoroughly enjoyed it and really needed the giggle.
I have to say, the list does rather read like something I want to take a big hand of ‘JUST NO!’ to (imagine a giant fly swatter, and then when someone does one of these stupid-ass things, they get hit in the face with it). That would be AWESOME!
So…things which bug me…
Being ignored/sidelined/FOMO’d
Being late (though I always seem to be – I annoy myself on that one!)
NEVER having a tissue when I need one.
At a roundabout when EVERYONE stops, and you know it must be SOMEONE’S turn, and then you all start moving at once, and then all stop again.
Husby messes (nuff said)
Inside-out things in the laundry.
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Oh, and EXTRANEOUS APOSTROPHES! Like at the greengrocer – “Apple’s”
WELL??!?! APPLE’S WHAT?????
*tries to calm down*
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THE AUDACITY OF THE EXTRANEOUS APOSTROPHES!
Don’t sell apples if you don’t understand plural vs possessive!
(become a blogger hehehe)
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Ohhh I KNOW! It makes me want to scream and hit things, and go around with tipp-ex and a marker so I can CORRECT THEM!
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Reblogged this on Writer B is Me and commented:
What irks you most? Is it other drivers? Or the inhuman volume your husband chews food? Head over to the Sisterwives Speak blog and see what some of your favorite peeps had to say on the subject, and feel free to tell us your pet peeves in comments!
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I love you, Joy. I think you should have that tattoo done. You know what they say in preschool – Joy worry about Joy & everybody else worry about themselves.
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This was so entertaining! Thanks for the laughs. I especially relate to the unnecessary daylight savings ‘whatever they call it’ where they fuck with your emotional health by making the world a darker place then it needs to be.
Some funny ladies here and it’s nice to meet them all.
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Wow – so many of these same things bug me out too. Too funny.
Except for the creeper with the 14 inch dick thing sending text messages. Never experienced that one.
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I’ll give him your number so you can cross that one off your bucket list, Phil.
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Yeah, but since I already have 14 inches of my own it’s not necessary.
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See, from YOU that’s a turn on.
From Poop Dogg it just seemed…unappealing. Go figure.
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Me either, Phil. I don’t know whether this is a good thing or a bad thing.
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haaaaaaaaaaaa. So many good laughs here.
This cracked me up: “We know that ice and snow and that creepy elf on a shelf is looming, is it too much to ask to keep it light outside an hour longer?”
I’m like, YEAH, that really pisses me off. I mean, driving to work in Blackness. Also, I despise that pedophile, satanic looking elf.
xx
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I walked past creepy Elf on the Shelf in Hobby Lobby last week, and he eye-fucked me, Kim. He’s horrible!
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I do have a fairly long list of pet peeves but one of my biggest is getting behind someone driving UNDER the speed limit! Especially when you are on a two lane road with absolutely no opportunity to go around them AND you are in a hurry!!! Grrrrr!! Where I live there are those who will actually get over on the shoulder and let you pass (that is actually legal in the great state of Texas btw) but if there is no shoulder OR they are just being a pain in the ass….it can be very frustrating!!!
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I’m from Texas too. That kills me. Every.Single.Time!!!
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I KNOW! Right??? LOL!
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Thanks for having me ladies! This was so much fun and after reading the creeper message I am feeling a whole lot better about my pet peeve. WTF is that BTW Samara! Wow just wow.
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THAT, Alyson, is how I plan on meeting my future husband.
NOT. Ewww.
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Oh crap, I just wrote a comment about stuff that bugs me, then realized it was ladies’ night. Not quite as bad as walking into the wrong bathroom, I guess. You folks are hilarious. And, not to somehow “lessen” anyone else’s contributions, but, Samara, you crack me up every time–you are blogging gold.
Beth, I never buy from any door-to-door salesman, no matter how young and cute they are. I don’t even let them start their spiel; I just tell them I’m not interested right away. But I do tell ’em to have a nice day and I do check out their moms in the soccer-mom van. “I see you out there in that Windstar looking at me like I’m some piece of meat. I’m still not buying.”
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Dude…I walked into the bathroom only to catch my mother-in-law pulling her giant old lady panties up. I’d have gouged my eyes out except I didn’t want that to be the last thing I ever saw.
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Mandi – I completely cracked up when I read your libido point – I am starting to think we have the same genes LOL – this happens to me all the time!!!
Samara – I “literally” laughed out loud at the messages you posted… I suppose you could even saw I let out an explosive gaffaw. I had to stop reading for awhile because I was at work and didn’t feel I had sufficient control over my guffaws to continue. Great stuff!!!
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I am walking through the desert, girl…with no water. I need some water. Really really bad! And I love the word guffaw and that you used it not once but twice..
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I have been in the desert for awhile now… they say there is water in cacti… I am happy to go through the pricks to get to it hehe.
‘Guffaw’ is a fantastic word, it is not used enough 🙂 I bet there are a lot of people that have no clue what it means! More importantly… I used it correctly hahaha.
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I work in an open-architecture office environment. It is meant to foster collaboration and team-building. So far, all its done is make me hypersensitive to people EATING THEIR DISGUSTING FOOD just a few feet away from me. Take that fucking toast to the cafeteria, baldy. And you, next to me with that apple, how may dirty looks do I have to give you before you TAKE THE HINT? Listening to that makes me want to give up kissing. For good. All I can picture is a mouth full of potato chips getting closer and closer. Eww! Get away from me!
Oh…wow…what just happened? It’s like someone flicked a switch. Can you turn that off on your way out, please?
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A kindred spirit!
My reaction is so strong, it borders on a condition known as “misophonia.” Because I can’t listen to the weird sounds people make.
Like the sound of my Ex breathing. He sounded like a walrus after a triathlon, pretty much always. *shudders at the memory*
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I love silence. I could be perfectly content sitting in a quiet room for hours. Do you think the city did that to us? There’s no escaping the noise. Maybe it made us hypersensitive. Or maybe we’re just big babies. That’s possible, too.
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Ahhh, a quiet room – and a book – for HOURS. My idea of heaven.
It’s very possible that living in the city DID do that to us. Because I adore silence, too. And like you, I get it so infrequently.
And I have zero tolerance for most human beings, which includes all the crappy sounds they make. There’s that, too. If I’m being honest.
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AGAIN…I think the city did this to us. Too many people. I’ve never understood this insatiable need to have someone around ALL THE TIME. People get themselves into all kinds of trouble–bad marriages, abusive relationships–just because they’re terrified to be alone. Give me a piece of string and an empty room and I’m good to go.
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I cannot be with ANYONE 24/7.
I get antsy on vacations after about 3 days, because it’s just too much goddamned togetherness. Nowhere to hide.
I don’t even need the string. I’ll just stare at a wall.
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I love silence. I love quiet. I love a quiet room for hours. I never lived in the city, but I have no problem being alone. I don’t understand people who can’t be by themselves. I love to go to movies, eat, anything. Just leave me the fuck alone for 20 minutes, and I’ll be a much better person.
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Drivers that speed up when you are signalling to move into their lane. Really? it’s one f#$@ing car length.
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Or the ones who speed up to pass you just to be in front of you at the light? WTF, asshole?
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Nothing is bugging me now that you’ve ironed me out with this post. Catharsis!!
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Hi Brenda! *waves* I’m so happy you stopped in to say hello! xox
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No hate mail, please, but am I the only one who cringes at videos of pets crawling on and sleeping with babies?
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To me, it depends on the pet. Puppies are okay…ferrets and pigs, not so much.
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I don’t know why my name appeared like that, with the 396 number. Should I worry or just learn how to make a comment?
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I HATE when I finish a bag of M&Ms and the final number is NOT a multiple of three. How IN THE HELL?
Thanks. I feel better. As I read this, I felt like I’d just walked through the wrong door and my personal safety and innocence was on the brink, and I couldn’t bring myself to turning away to run. And feeling thankful for that.
Mandi – I just tried to do math on my smartphone and suddenly I forgot numbers and could feel my pulse in my eyelids. Is this normal?
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I’m not really sure, Eli. You see, I wasn’t a mathlete. I just get laid as frequently as one. Which I assume is not that often, but maybe they’re all banging to pi times x squared or something.
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Those of us more Mathlete than you (can we be considered mathlete if we could barely sweat algebra in college?) find your plight an injustice on the order of polar bears.
You know, a crisis we can do nothing about, except for sit around and blame global warming.
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Eyelid pulses and OCD multiples of three?
Who is Eli, and why don’t I know him?
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He’s like Christian Slater in Heathers, but far less alluring; like Indiana Jones, but far less adventuresome; and like Ernest Hemingway, only he gets drunk midway through his second beer. (First, if it’s an ISP).
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Super funny, ladies.
The Midwest driving bit by Alyson had me rolling because I totally live there.
At the four-way stop, everyone’s all: “No! You go!”
“But it’s your fucking turn! Stop being nice.”
And then you actually go because clearly they’re going to out-polite you and the driver in the car behind you is losing their shit, and then at that exact same moment, they pull into the intersection and almost t-bone you with a very friendly smile on their face while you’re yelling “What the fuck!?!?” while pretending not to but your six-year-old in the back seat totally heard you.
It’s a nightmare.
But then Alyson cranks it into the next stratosphere by recognizing these same driving-kindness-imposters, when given the choice at a stoplight, almost always choose the far-right lane, even if they’re planning to drive straight.
If your vision is healthy enough to see their faces in the rearview mirror, you can often make out their evil smirks and extended middle fingers.
Savages.
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You all had me at Jackholes.
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This is great. I have quite a few of my own, but these cover a lot of my ground quite nicely! Solidarity! 🙂
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These were fantastic and lordy on Samara’s section! But, can Mandi cover a post entirely dedicated about her teenage libido lol 🙂 You did great here ladies…as usual 🙂
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