August
03
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Am I Too Angry to Get Laid?
Please welcome my friend and guest poster today, who has chosen to remain anonymous – she is one of the toughest people I know, as well as one of the kindest. She will be the biggest advocate for those she believes in, and a force to be reckoned with for those she does not. She reminds me of what a long ago friend said after watching a young woman stand her ground in an argument with people far louder and more aggressive than she: “I don’t know who she is, but I want her on my side.”
The subject may be serious, but her voice is spirited and strong, and she never fails to make me smile.
I’m going through a bit of a dry spell. Going through a divorce with kids in the picture can make it difficult to find time for…romance. I can’t get out much, I don’t have single male friends and I don’t have any inclination toward online dating services.
So that pretty much leaves me home with a fully stocked supply of batteries, and free internet porn.
What? Chicks watch porn.
Even if the day should come when I get to drag my old, neglected ass out into the dating pool again, I wonder if it’s possible I’ve become too angry to ever get laid again. I feel like a cliché. Cheating husband, backstabbing “best friend,” plenty of lies for everyone. Even before the lying rat fuck left, he hadn’t touched me in over three years. THREE. YEARS. At first, he claimed erectile dysfunction. After a while, everything in the marriage got ugly, and he moved out of the bedroom until he finally left.
Now that I know the truth, I realize I was left to my own…um…devices, because he was loyal to someone else.
I want so badly to start my life over with a clean slate. I don’t want the next guy to pay for the sins of one that was unfaithful. But it’s so difficult to believe in ANY of them, when there were so many unfaithful pricks before him! I have a bunch of friends who are men. Some are new friends, and some are childhood pals I’ve reconnected with, thanks to the magic of social media. They are mostly married. And there are a handful of them who would do me in a heartbeat if I said yes. Much to the detriment of my sexual satisfaction, I just can’t do it. I don’t have any judgment of women who make the choice to overlook that ring, but it’s not a choice I can make for myself. The moral fiber of the cloth from which I am cut is just a little too tightly woven. I’m spiritually content with being this upstanding woman of values, but for Christ’s sake, how the hell am I ever going to get myself under a warm body when there are so many cold hearted weasels?!!
I have always enjoyed sex. I would have to describe my libido as above average. Of course, during the early days of having kids, there was the I’m tired/the baby’s up/the kids are in our bed/I can’t remember the last time I showered dry spell. It probably lasted a few years, and had I known he would be finding a replacement in my best friend’s pants, I would surely have made a greater effort, but I thought I had forever to make up for lost time.
And now I don’t. Because he’s a…well, you get it. I just don’t know if I will ever trust someone enough to give up my goods. The irony of it all has to be in the timing. In our twenties, it was all good. We could bang like rabbits. In our thirties, parenthood and exhaustion interfered. In our forties, he was losing desire while mine was just re-igniting. And now, heading into my fifties, I don’t feel like an old lady.
I feel like a confident, sexual powerhouse.
Just in time to be alone.
It’s so sad that my arsenal of fuckerwear is just collecting dust in the closet. (It’s quite a collection:) *sigh*
So now that menopause, for me, seems to have brought with it a whole new fierce intensity of desire, what the fuck is a divorcing, mother of three with just a little extra junk in the trunk supposed to do?!!! Do I really have to start going to bars? Do I have to hope a friend will have a friend who isn’t a complete asshole? Am I going to have to cave, and fill out an online dating profile???
For now, I think I’ll just concentrate my energy on my kids. And as for my new, high velocity libido, I’ll keep trading in my Double Stuf Oreo money for Double A batteries and wine. There are no cheating mother fuckers from Duracell. Shit.
I might be too pissed off to ever get laid again.
The SisterWives 
Augh. I hope you find someone.
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❤ thank you, my friend! I always enjoy your perspective and your humor. I believe there are plenty of good men out there, who'd be lucky to find you under them. Or over. Whatever. 😉
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There are good guys out there. I promise.
However, you might just need to fill out a few dating profiles. The world is changing, and more and more the “conventional” places to meet people are getting replaced by the online forums. Especially in our busy lives. Kids. Work. Shopping. Cleaning. Cooking. It’s a whirwind of commitments that don’t leave much time for “going out,” interacting in the physical social spaces…
I guess, what I’m trying to say is, it won’t hurt to try one of the dating sites. You might be surprised by who is on there. And, if none of them end up being good matches, then you’ve still got your battery operated goodies and all that free porn.
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Then again, there are people who like an angry woman in bed. 😉
I say do what you gotta do to get through it. Something will even out eventually. For your sake, and the sake of your aching heart, I hope you can find a way out of the anger.
You’ve always got us here.
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These are the age-old questions for which there are no real answers. I got married before there was such thing as ‘dating sites’. We had to find dates by going out and meeting actual people. But at least we could look in their eyes while we were trying to figure out if they were lying to us.
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I dunno I kinda like my own devices 🙂
But really… Dating sounds horrible, painful, and too much like torture.
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I have a rechargeable vibrator. It’s the best investment I’ve ever made. 🙂 So until you find a mate, it’s a good alternative to buying stock in Duracell.
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I think everyone has to do what feels right for them. When my hubby literally abandoned me and set off not once, but twice to satiate his long-simmering predilections in Thailand, I got busy getting busy and was none too picky because I was so pissed. And despite how despicable his actions were, I never threw any of what I did in his face (and I doubt he knows what blogs I comment on…)Then I got respectable and joined Match.com and met a really great guy. Never thought I’d date again, EVER, but it’s actually quite fun. Seriously.
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Great post! I can’t imagine entering the dating scene again, BUT, i know from friends who survived it post-divorce and, after some trial and error, are now remarried to amazing people. It can happen. 😊
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Definitely work through that anger. After all, it’s not hurting the ex (where we’d like it to be causing pain and anguish). I’m a believer in the best revenge being a life well lived. So, know that your ex’s infidelity was all about him and his failings. And that you deserve so much more and better. In the meanwhile, what’s wrong with movies and battery packs? They can’t give you STD’s. They don’t show up late. They’re at your beckon call. And they never have a headache.
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Don’t rush it. You will find your real Mr. Right when you least expect it. But for now just know that you came out of this the real winner. Your rat ass ex and your ex BFF, well, they cheated on you and it is inevitable tha tthey will cheat on each other as well. I call it Karma.
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Keep an open mind… my sister met her husband through harmony. They’ve been together about 8 years and she’s truly happy for the first time in her life (after three kids and a really awful first marriage). I can’t imagine having to be “out there” again. Most of my closest friends are going through what you’re going through right now too. Hang in there, sister. Throw caution to the wind and try to have a little fun. (and I’m with you on the married men thing. us women gotta have each other’s backs)
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I went through this 4yrs ago. My ex cheated and well my sex drive crashed. Mind you I had always had a higher drive before all the stress. I took a year to myself. No intrest in the opposite sex then it slowly came back. I tried dating for a few months and had horrible experiences so I decided on a monogamous fwb. It allowed me to focus on getting my kid through high school, a new job and my life as a whole. It’s not for everyone and honestly way out of my character but it worked for me at that specific time in my life. And let me tell you….hands down the best sex I’ve ever had….angry, passionate, and even erotic at times. It helped me find myself sexually again and well release all that anger.
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I swear I just read a section here about monogamous friend with benefits. Where did it go?
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This breaks my heart.
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I could have written this, honestly. For a while I thought even my toys might be cheating on me. I can only tell you this, it does get better, eventually. Kissing frogs doesn’t work, but sometimes dating profiles do. Especially honest ones, no holds barred honest profiles yeah, they work pretty well.
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Sorry for the position you find yourself in at the moment. There are an array of new “toys” out there (I’ve been told) that can at least keep you company while you search for a viable mate. Friends with benefits is good, as long as not married. Keep your chin up, it will happen!
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