June 22

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Seven Simple Tips To Make Her Happy

Posted by on June 22, 2015 in Gender | 47 Comments

Each month, the SisterWives have dedicated at least one day to getting inside the mind of a man, three men actually, when we invite our favorite male bloggers to enlighten us on some of the things we (I’m speaking for women here) question about them.

We haven’t necessarily played fair though, so today, I’m opening my mind. I can’t speak for all women, not even all of the SisterWives, but I can speak for myself, so I’m going to let you in on some of our my secrets.

The truth is we aren’t as complicated as the rumors say. We are actually quite simple. We can easily be pleased, but there are a few things that make our heads implode and have us pondering whether or not you really need that pinky toe … or any of your other appendages, so in my quest to always be helpful and so that your appendages stay … intact, let me give you a few pointers to help you understand the mind of a woman (this woman anyway).

  1. You fell in love with her for a reason. Maybe it was her quick wit, her glowing personality, or her obsessive ability to color coordinate her closet, lingerie drawer, glove compartment, and Tupperware cabinet. Perhaps it was because she made you laugh, always offered you easy conversation, and when she smiled, you couldn’t look away. Whatever it was that made you fall in love with her, it’s still there. She might not be as bright and shiny as the day you met, she’s faded with kids and work and life and age, but she’s still that funny, beautiful, organized girl. Don’t forget that. Don’t forget her.
  2. She gets upset. She’s human. She needs to vent and get angry, and when she comes to you and interrupts whatever it is that you’re doing, it’s not because she needs you to be her handy man, to come in with your hammer and nails and fix her problem. She comes to you because you’re her friend, in some cases, her best friend, and all she wants is to talk. But better yet, she wants to talk to someone who is listening. Stop what you’re doing. Put your phone/laptop/t.v. away, and give her your attention. The best way you can help her is to simply give her your time. If she wants a solution, chances are she’ll ask, but if she doesn’t ask, just say, “That sounds pretty bad, insert pet name, you’ll figure this out.” Because she will. She’s strong and confident and a fabulous woman, or you wouldn’t be with her in the first place.
  3. Romance. Let me say that again. Romance. In case you didn’t hear me, ROMANCE. Every woman has her own idea of what is romantic. Some women want roses and chocolate and dinner at the five star restaurant that serves tiny meatless meals on very large plates. Some women like cards and notes that remind her you love her, or that she’s the sexiest woman you’ve seen all day, or that you want to ravage her when you get home from work (I love those kind of notes). A woman might want to hear that she’s beautiful, talented, that you’re proud of her. Some women will almost immediately blow you if you do the dishes. To me, it’s time. Spending time with just me and being engaged, laughing at my jokes, making me laugh, holding my hand while we walk down the street. I’m pretty simple, and probably, your love is too. Find out what romance is to her. And do it. Often.  ROMANCE. Don’t let it die.
  4. Take care of yourself. You don’t have to a body builder, but take pride in your appearance and your health. She needs to find you pleasing to the eye. It’s easy to get comfortable in a relationship, to let things go, but just as much as you like looking at her, she likes to look at you, and even more than looks, she wants you around, to grow old with you. Don’t get lazy. Don’t let yourself go. You don’t have to go to the gym every day or eat a salad for lunch, but you could make sure your toe nails are trimmed, your eyebrows aren’t growing random stray wiry old man hairs, and for the love of all that’s holy, keep your nose hairs where nose hairs go. Inside the nose. Way up in there. We often have to look up to you, and that’s the last thing we want to see.  Also, because it needs to be said, just as much as you like us all pretty when we are naked … hint … a little manscaping never hurt anyone. To quote a really good book that you should probably read “… not gonna put my mouth anywhere near a nub in a shrub.” Clean it up, guys.
  5. Sex. Bow chicka wow wow. Believe it or not, most of us like sex and want to do it. Some of us (hypothetically) have the libido of a teenage boy, and will do it morning, noon, and night, if you do it right. Doing it right is so important. She is all sensory. From her toes to her nose, find her spots. Don’t just go in there to your favorite place, where you go every time for the big finale. You’re going to get there (hopefully not before she does), but with a little fine tuning and communication, you can rock her world. Every.Single.Time. Take your time, and explore her body. If you’re still having trouble, have her draw you a map. (Find the boy in the boat. If you don’t understand that, you need the map.)
  6. You’re going to argue. We fight the hardest and the loudest with the people we love the most. She’s going to get mad at you, which probably often will make you mad at her. One of the best phrases I’ve ever heard is, “Don’t steal my mad.” When she comes to you, and she’s upset with you even if it’s about something minor and stupid, acknowledge her anger, but don’t steal it. Don’t turn it around on her. Let her be mad. She will get over it and probably end up apologizing.
  7. Since I mentioned apologies, this one is huge. Do you have your pen and paper handy, guys?  When you’re wrong, apologize. Admit what you did and apologize for it. Don’t apologize that she’s mad or that you’ve upset her. This is one of my biggest relationship pet peeves, “I’m sorry you’re upset.” Don’t be sorry she’s upset. Of course you’re sorry she’s upset because now you’re having to deal with her. Be sorry for what it is that upset her. Chances are, once you apologize, she will be quick to move on, and if you ever found that boy in the boat, now might be a really great time to pay him a visit. Angry make-up sex is the best. Amirite?

See? We really aren’t that complicated. I’m sure there are about a gazillion things I’ve missed, but hopefully I’ve shed a little bit of light on the enigma that comes with having the vagina.

Any questions?

Ladies, what am I missing? Maybe I’m wrong, and this is all just an opinionated rant. Set me straight in the comment section.