May 28

Tags

Getting you back to YOU

Posted by on May 28, 2015 in Life Choices, Self-worth, Society | 54 Comments

We’ve had a spate of posts lately where there has been discussion about the best way to go about life, or the best way to be. There has been huge encouragement both in the writing and in the Sisterwives community – our readers and supporters have demonstrated that ‘together we’re stronger’, and to observe the celebration and building-up has been a wonderful thing.

But what about the other part of our motto – “Alone we are enough”? I don’t mind telling you that this is the bit I’ve struggled most with, but I think (thanks to some good examples in others) I’ve figured it out. Which means that the hard work comes next…

Enough alone

We live in a world of stark dichotomy, where the silver screen is a smokescreen which tells us we’ve got to be prettier, thinner, richer…MORE – like somebody else’s version of success – stand there and take it; don’t be sore – it’s just another measure of duress. No! Wait – don’t use your imagination! Don’t think outside the box! Just sit, slack-brained and allow the corporation to inform tell you your demand and then supply it – all it takes is some clever branding to make you buy it.

And will you be happier then?

Will it last? Or in a season will you need to start again?

And how do you ever justify the investment that you spend…?

We live in a world where we are constantly bombarded by messages about how awesome we ‘should’ be, what success ‘should’ look like, and all the things that we ‘deserve’, for being us, and for surviving the rigors of life thus far. These messages feed our sense of entitlement, which then elbows its way to the front of the queue for attention, where the originators and proliferators of that message can profit from it.

That’s not to undermine any rigors we’ve undergone in our lives – hard stuff is still tough to deal with, but to get some perspective, there’s the chance that we’ve worried over the perfect hashtag whilst someone, somewhere in Nepal is still stuck, homeless, up a mountain. Remember Nepal?

A fundamental part of reconciling ourselves to the people we are, rather than constantly striving to attain the impossibly-high bars set by people with money to spend on making us think that if we try hard enough, they might be achievable, is re-framing the way we view success.

Added to which, who we are today could be very different than who we were yesterday. Or who we were last year. Or who we’re going to be next week. The only thing certain in life (besides death and taxes) is change – we are always in a constant state of flux and given the whirlwind of circumstances we try to keep up with every day, we really need to learn to accept that our goalposts might be different every day.

Regardless of whether we know that, we frequently find ourselves hooked in and expending serious energy on somehow embettering ourselves.

Say we achieve it then…imagine yourself in the perfect home, decorated just so. You have the perfect figure, the perfect outfit, a bank-balance which could cater to your every whim, a job which pays well, has great hours, and which satisfies you. You’ve overcome your demons, ironed out your character, and are content with who you are. You can look into the mirror, think about your world and yourself, and want for nothing.

So what?

Even if life was that perfect…so what?

Even if we were able to fulfil the many and varied expectations held of us by culture, convention, our friends-and-relations and (let’s face it) ourselves…so what?

Would it get us to the top of our game, whatever that game might be?

I suspect even if it did, it wouldn’t last long – the sun would set and the moon would rise, and in that tilt-shift of earth, something would change which required adaptation or a new set of thoughts. I have a sneaking suspicion we are built for challenge and constant evolution, but we get lost along the way; our heads turned and our eyes dazzled by the array of glittering ‘should’s.

Which is where a re-frame can help, because regardless of the set of circumstances we find ourselves in, the “so what?” can still be answered by finding our passion; what we were made for; what motivates and drives us to DO; what feels natural and right and allows us to become more ourselves, at a soul-deep level.

The most chilled-out people I’ve met in life are those who no longer buy into the preoccupation with Stuff or surface-deep. They’ve determined the most important part of their character – their motivation – and are no longer tied into a fear-culture of ‘not enough’, but exist in a micro-climate of ‘becoming’. They know their ‘point’.

Whether it’s leaving the world a better place, connecting with others, nurturing, creating beauty, turning dreams into reality, or something else entirely, they have taken the time to look at the things which really matter to them, and have established a set of core values.

Whatever else shifts and alters in their life, whatever challenges or triumphs they encounter, whatever setbacks, boosts, plateaus or changes of direction, they’ve figured out how to get back to the Them they are deep down.

They can speak up and answer “This – THIS – is what I’m here for.”

So, then…what are you here for?

Let’s start getting ourselves back to US.