The Man(di) Cave: Girls Gone Wild

 The Man di Cave

 So, Tuesday the guys had their turn in the Man(di) Cave. Now it’s our turn. Because equality.

 

What’s one thing you feel confident you know about men?

 

Michelle– They are kind of smelly and not as good at handling emotional situations.

Beth– They are always thinking about sex. They can be manipulated with sex. SEX.

That Shameless Hussy See, this is what happens when people don’t leave questions in the comments like they were supposed to! Now I have to answer and you have to read. Why would anyone listen to ME? We didn’t have curtains in the living room for a decade because my husband called me Rainman! And that makes NO sense. What was the question?  I feel like I can confidently say that I know men think I’m much funnier before they are married to me and realize that I’m completely incompetent.

Gretchen– Let’s see… they like long walks on the beach and flowers and candlelight. Also, they love when you ask them what they’re thinking about right now.

Mandi- Two things I think I know: They like their egos stroked. And something else.

How do you keep the magic in the bedroom after marriage/kids?

Michelle- I wear matching pajamas to send the ‘signal’ and then I say…okay, but then I get to control the remote.

Beth- I boil frog tails in a giant vat with three hairs from the head of my dog and some rabbit poop. Works every time….

That Shameless Hussy Y’all think I’m gonna say “pegging,” don’t you? Well, you’re wrong. Ok, I said it but not as a way to keep it exciting in the bedroom, unless by “exciting” you mean “armageddon.” I find setting your alarm on your phone to go off at random intervals while set to the “foghorn” or “gunshot” or that noise that Ms. Pac Man makes when she dies keeps things pretty exciting, and also summoning him upstairs with a sexy message and then bursting into tears and falling on him when he walks into the room works as well. I’m actually writing a book….

Gretchen Parents have to get creative, especially when the kids are young. Cartoons can be a great babysitter. And you know, they put locks on doors for a reason. Kids have a built in sensor and know when mom and dad are about to have a little fun. They will try to stop you. Don’t let them. Lock the door. Tell them they you’re doing naked yoga, whatever. If that fails, threaten them. This is a battle and if you let them win, there goes your sex life for the foreseeable future.

Mandi– I pour beer on myself and shout “hut hut” (Is that even what the quarterback says?) Bbq sauce works, too. If all else fails, see #1. (Stroke something with something.) It doesn’t have to be magical. I only need about 2 minutes.

How do you divide the household duties? Did these change after kids? Does one of you pull more weight?

Michelle- I am going to give a different answer than most here. I work outside the home and hubs works from home, he does the lion’s share of the housework…which is why I often wear matching pajamas.

Beth- I do everything. Juuust kidding. I have to say Mr. Writer B is pretty good about helping out around the house and with the kiddos. Actually “pretty good” is an understatement. He’s amazing. And what he doesn’t want to do (the lawn) he pays someone to do. We’re a damn good team. Except he doesn’t clean his sink area in the bathroom. WTF DUDE? How is okay that your toothbrush is sitting in beard trimmings? NO. Just no.

That Shameless Hussy- My husband has recently lost all of the baby weight (finally!) and has returned to his lean, muscular self. He’s actually getting a six pack and a “V” muscle goin’ on – there’s really no point to that, I just wanted y’all to know. But it has made me realize that it won’t be long now before he will need a trophy wife. Because I would never degrade myself like that. So, I am putting an ad on Craigslist and will begin interviews in the next month or so. We’re going to give all the housework to her.

Gretchen- Before kids things were 50/50. After? It evolved. I stay home while he works. Obviously I’m going to take care of most of the house work. When he’s home he’s hands on with the kids. He always changed diapers, got up with the babies on weekends, did bath time. But now? Our kids are older and in school all day long. I sit around all day and tap tap tap away on the computer and eat popcorn and take long naps. It’s my time now. But don’t tell him that. He still thinks I’m supermom or something.

Mandi- I do all the shit. All of it. Except for cooking. I try, but I suck at it, so most of the time, my husband will say, “So, what’s for dinner?” And I’ll say, “I’m going to try this new recipe I saw on Pinterest.” And he’ll say, “I was thinking about getting some take out.” And I’ll say, “Well, only if that’s what you want. I don’t mind cooking,” and then there’s a husband shaped hole in the door to the garage. Even my kids are in on it. At dinner, every single night, one or both will say, “Did mom cook this or dad?” And if I say, “I cooked it,” they’ll drop their forks and say, “I’m not hungry.” It’s not that bad. Okay, maybe it is.  And maybe I’m a shitty cook because I’m too busy doing all of the other shit. Maybe I’m not being fair. He does clean the kitchen after dinner every night. Those take out containers make a huge mess. Shut up! I am not bitter.

 

Who wants to play? Ladies, feel free to give us your answers. Men, if you didn’t have your say on Monday, now’s your chance. Do you wear a tiara and a wonder woman costume to keep it sexy? Do you want That Shameless Hussy to explain pegging to you? 

 

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